Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Some funny stuff.


Sooo currently I'm am dating a bully. Yes people Walter "Mr. Swagnificent" himself is a bully. Hahah and this shit is funny. After this man beat a kidds ass he proceeded to say,

"Now take yo cryin ass home!! Don't forget this shit and remember me when you sleep wit yo lyin ass!!! Yo bitch ass broke my damn glasses!!"

Lmao...he went to hard on that kidd. AND this nigga beat that kidds ass in front of the kidds little brother and sister and told them to shut up when the screamed and ran home. Now mind you Walt and the little kidd were the same age at the time but shit..this nigga went hard ass hell as an adolescent..Ha hell yeah.

Mrs Swagnificent*

Monday, December 29, 2008

Yayy!

Shouts out to Wan the t-mobile guy! A nice conversation with him and I reset my phone, downloaded an application, and now i can recieve AND send text messages. I know guys its amazing. So send me text and i'll send you one back!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

my my!


Create your own FACEinHOLE

FACEinHOLE 2


Create your own FACEinHOLE

FACEinHOLE


Create your own FACEinHOLE

Leandria is pissed..


Gary's a bitch! I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE! But when i try to text...Gary's bitch ass won't let me...a bob damn brand new effin phone and it won't let me text. And T-effin-Mobile hasn't helped me either. I want to effin text bob damnit!

Friday, December 26, 2008

I have a new nickname folks.

Mrs. Swagnificent.
Guess who gave it to me!
Ha i vote yes.

Okay..
I have somethings i need to get off my chest. I think i have an issue. I went to the mall today with some people from high school and one of the gurls brought her baby. The baby is a damnit. A-freakin-dorable and i didn't mind playing with her but..i still can't see me having kidds. Idk what it is..maybe it'll change if i find someone i want to have kidds with..

I've also confirmed the fact that i don't really like people.haha

So last night i couldn't sleep. I layed down and let all the things that had been bothering me for the bast 5 months come back to my mind. Bullshit and Life all flooded into my mind...i wanted to blogg about it then but didn't find it worth it. Ha honestly guys I'm over all the mess that happened, all the time that was wasted, the downward escalator was enough to shake me out of what ever it was. But then it makes me look at the male species differently. Its like you guys are all male, all have penises(sp?), and shit and then the few that have some kind of heart are better of as friends, i mean whats the real point of getting to know somebody if won't amount to anything but wasted time and broken promises? I'm pretty sure that last year i wanted kidds. ha idk..whatever.

My Christmas ended better we went to the movies together. Not a very good movie but it was fun going together..

I'M ABOUT TO MAKE SOME EFFIN COOKIES!!!!!!
I'll put up pictures!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Leandria is...

....slightly irritated by the lack of tradition that's being practiced by the Lott's. I mean honestly..we make an ass load of food so we can take a plate to our separate corners of the house? What the hell kind of sense does that make??? SO I ACTED AN ASS BOB DAMNIT. Why the hell did i come home from Nashville for CHRISTMAS BREAK if we weren't gonna be together for CHRISTMAS DAY?? And they didn't even wake me and my sis up to watch my brother open his presents. Clearly we do that every damn year..whatever.

I'm done this we're going the movies later.
Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Unconventional Christmas

Ever heard of one? Well my family is having one. I think we're all to old to be dragged out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to open presents..or in my case puzzles. And apparently we're to old to have our presents rapped. I guess since we're all IN or PASSED our teen years there's no need to pretend the magic of Christmas is still alive. Santa Clause? I don't ever remember believing in him and Peters to damn smart to have ever believed in Chris Kringle. Honestly...

Anyway sooo apparently the person that you guys have kicked it with on a daily basis is a baking machine. Peep the facebook status? Yurp I'm hella qualified to make anything including figgie pudding. Ha and it was damn good. Anywho the subject of me baking Walt P cakes was brought up by James Brown...im not sure if you can make them....ha we should work on that Lalter.

Speaking of cake im still buzzed from my mothers rum cake...

I think im done for now..

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I am....

getting drunk off the rum cake my mom made..omg...her and reggie have the same kind of hand when it comes to pouring drinks..honestly...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Guess who's back!

Omg LAUREN'S BACK!!!
THE LOTT'S ARE ALL BACK TOGETHER!

P.S.
I feel like Dori just blogging randomly like this.

Shooting star out!

Tell Peter Lott IV

I find that when I'm at home..i have a lot of time on my hands. Which in turn puts me in front of my laptop. So I'm about to go off on a rant/tangent about...you guessed it or Tell Peter Lott IV..Peter the Boy/Peter Man.

He's one of those kidds that you invite into your household but then later regret it because of the smart ass comments that comes out of his mouth. Humility is word he could probably learn and it would do him and everyone around him, a great deal of good. But him being the smart ass he is he probably already knows the word and just chooses not to use it. He's in a word, a jerk and the youngest lets not forget that.

But then there's Peter Man, the kidd that's smart as hell (still a jerk, a smart jerk??). Each conversation had with him is a hilarious and sarcastic filled learning experience, along with his constant tifts with the parentals that usually end with "your gonna get slapped in the face boy." or "who do you think your talking to?" Its not just because he has a smart mouth, but because of what he just said was so intelligent it took a minute longer for the degree holding parents to comprehend what was just said to them by a minor. Ha its all very funny. His dry humor, chess playing, book reading, sarcastic lookin ass.
Ha i love him .

Saturday, December 20, 2008

In response to "What are we even doing?"

So xoxo your question is one of those that's rattled my brain and heart for almost a year. I mean honestly why give your all into something and only get half or less back. Its not fair. Then there's that mind set..hey i know he cares. So why break your neck to see them...driving different places just so that feeling of YOU missing THEM can stop..so you can have more then a picture and a text, but a hug, something tangible, to know they care. Its crazy how we as females take things more seriously then them. The question "What are we even doing here?" might not mean as much to him so in turn it won't get answered...so answering it your self might be your best bet. Whats the invisible force that's pushing you to be there for him if its not really being returned..and why keep trying. Idk but when ever i even think of my past relationship and wondering if if just maybe could still work i think of that phrase, "downward escalator." It makes me remember Life. and all the things i did for him and i didn't necessarily get it back. Kind of like a cheerleader. Idk hopefully i helped...

I think i had something to say..

Ever get on here and just feel like writing but really there was nothing to say? Its slick how I'm feeling...
This that and the other?
Okay.

I'm at home trying to decide what movie to watch with my family. Its always an annoying thing to do. Only because my little brother is a smart ass. And he bothers my life sometimes. Maybe because he's the youngest..{sorry Walty} but either way it goes he's an annoying, big head, little brother.

BUT WAIT my sister is coming back tomorrow AND we're having a kinky twist party. So when we're done she'll have nuthin but dreads in her hair. =0
And I'm gonna have purple hair finally!!

I think I'm going to start spelling nuthin correctly. NOTHING..there.

Today i had a moment. One of those moments that makes me want to throw my instrument away and start looking for a new talent that might've gotten neglected because of my focus on the violin. Something like guitar..or photography..I'm starting to wonder the REAL reason why I picked those things up. Not the bull shit reasons i said to make myself feel better. Anyway..I had to record my self today. And it sounded bad. Not even me just being extra hard on myself...I'm just being honest. Sometimes i want to give up. But then I'm reminded of the fact that I'm not good at anything else to change my plans now. Ha its a shame.

So we decided on Polar Express. When i was in high school i played this with my youth orchestra. Its one of the reasons why I'm so in love with the idea of playing for movie scores. But why the hell am i falling out of love? I feel myself toying with the idea of breaking up wit my love. Crazy huh?

I'm having issues with the Coach thing. Honestly i know what i want and what i don't want. And i def hung up my whistle for the season, took off my warm ups and gave my hat back with Coach Roxx* stitched on the side. But i swear..nigga's won't leave me alone. No bull shit. I'll be minding my own business probably texting or talking to Lalter. And an old flame will call seeing whats up. Or saying that i played them and blah blah blah. I'm rude so i don't really care...but it gets annoying.

Mr Afternoon Delight! Bwoooooooooooh!
Ha i miss him and i want my effing scarf back!!!!
(def NOT who you may think it is.)

Speaking of scarfs. BUY ONE LALTER!

Ha so I've decided that my other friends are the best. Its funny how when you hang with one group for a while. Then you hang with another. Then you go back to the first group and you notice what you missed about them all. Ha but these nigga's don't like cartoons told me i was grown and to grow up!! Well i say FUCK THAT! hahah

Wait!!! You know that song "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"!!?? We wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas..blah blah blah bull shit.And then in the song people start ranting on about figgy pudding??! Well folks I, Leandria Lott Roxx, is gonnna MAKE figgy pudding!!! Ha I'll save all my bros and sis of Best Friend Alpha Phi some.=) AND my lovely sisters of CHOIR PHI BETA!!

Choir Phi Beta!!
#3 Fall 08
Chea!
Wait...what's my line name?

And Reggie? Why is the tagg Cookies and Milk?? Are you gonna stick your cookies in her milk???

Maya??
Frankie??
Dori??
The crayons blog is rather stagnant...
I'm gonna post pictures of crayons to inspire some activity.

Im think im done!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Lol =)

Omg Walt just told me im a real cool kidd!
Ha he didn't say that to you.
=)

Time

Its amazing how much people grow up and apart. Just how can you sit around and talk about nuthin like you used to do but not to be interested in the conversation like you used to be. Time is amazing. One of those things you cant get back. What was cool 2 years ago is lame as hell now. And even things that were lame as hell 2 years ago coincidentally are still lame. Ha idk same friends, different people..or maybe same friends different me. People grow up and change. Ha maybe I'm just being anti social But then there are the people you admire who are still silly as hell but doing what they gotta do to succeed and are still social. Ha idk.

P.S.
I'm starting to hate Beyonce and Sasha Fierce

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Colors

Yesterday i had a 5 year old moment..
i started spinning around like a child and everything was a blurr.
Lately that's how life has been.
I spin around and all i see is...
A world wind of colors that shines of navy blue and tan.
Boring colors i know
But sometimes purple and red are in mixed.
A splash of green and some sky blue.
As my dizziness subsides the colors start to make sense.
Slick there's man emerging from the toradoe of colors..Two men actually.
One smiling. The other just looking.
One kissing my hand.The other just standing there wasting time.
Ha still. This is dumb. But the latter is still appealling.
I start spining again to blurr the images in front of me.
This time i keep spinning and wait for someone to catch me.
The latter lets me fall. Rather rude huh?
But the other?..the other picks me up.
Dusts me off.
Kisses my forhead.
And whispers "Your beautiful..." in my ear.
Ha simple choice. The images are clear.
The colors make since.
And im done spinning..


So i was on facebook looking through my notes and clicked on drafts and i see Colors, something i started in like June. So i finished it. I'm trying not to get all mushy and shit but when ever i start writing its usually for a reason. Ha idk.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Yurp...


Leandria is happy. For the first time in awhile. Im happy. Not having to walking around a males feelings in fear of hurting them or getting mine hurt in turn. Ha its a funny feeling actually being open with how i feel and not being shot down because of it. A real ass, genuine, on his shit friend. We'll see where this goes. Hopefully somewhere...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Yepp....

Leandria is indifferent.
I do what i want because I'm old enough to make my own decisions so please..don't judge me. I know we play about that term..often but in real life...lets not.
If i were here to please the world i would work harder to do so but that's def not my calling so...I'll stop trying.
Trust is an issue now a days. I say don't say something, it would satisfy me if you don't do it.
Not accusing anyone. Just saying.
Please understand that i love you all dearly but it was stated twice and stated nicely that its time to go home. Huntsville is looking better to me then Nashville is at the moment.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Im sure.

I can't breath. I would love to be able to do so though. It feels like to be a lot of pressure is on me to go a certain way. And I'm not sure if I'm going to be looked at differently if i make a certain decision

Damned if i do. Damned if i don't. 

LottRoxx

Monday, December 1, 2008

Puddles and Rivers you say?

We all know i love water. I played in rain puddles as kidd and had cute little goulashes that matched my rain coat. BUT i was never for rivers. They're dirty and creatures live in them...and i know I'm taking the analogy out of context but the reality of all this is, is that I'm not ready, and in real life I'm afraid I'm gonna do the same thing he did to me, the things i said to you is slick verbatim what he said to justify the situation...and I'm not okay with that. Being frank that shit sucks and it hurts. And I'm afraid i jumped into a puddle that was a little to deep...that has the characteristics of a river but not quite...a stream maybe? Which ever body of water it may be, I'm starting to get caught up in the current, swept up into your arms and your smile. It could all be so simple like that one song but we all know its not. Our friendship was never really a friendship. There was always something else there. Something that kept us looking for each other after class, and texting during. Something that had me in your practice room during the day and you in my dorm room at night. Honestly the attraction is there it always was. And the promise of a relationship is there its very apparent. But the uncertainty is growing rapidly. I'm not sure, sadly, of what i want. The constant flow of fear....of getting my knees wet in the stream that's quickly turning into a river...and i don't want to drown...slick i don't want to kill anyone either. Maybe i should just get up and dry off while my head's still above water. And here's a thought..maybe i miss Coach Roxx..idk but in all this confusion of an analogy it still feels like somethings missing. Like this whole pursuit of happiness thing is going the opposite way it should be. That might be another blogg for another day...



LottRoxx

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Alcohol.

Leandria is irritated. Please understand that in the drunken stage i will give you as much leeway as i can. But I'm not the one to be cursin at. In reality Huntsville Al is not just bullshit Huntsvegas. And just cuz I'm small doesn't mean i can't get crunk. Leandria Lott Roxx. Remember my name. I'm learning to hold my tongue when the situation calls for it. And even though i love you dearly. And your one of my closest friends. Don't think you can cross me. I'm mad. That's it. If it was some silly random ho. I wouldn't be mad. But its your ass. I'm not drinking wit your ass again. So just remember what i am to you.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Band trip!

Im once again a band aid. Im wondering how this trip will differ from the one last week.
Ooooh well im with you Dori lets stay warm tonight. Alcohol is the healthy thing to do. =)






One foot

I had one foot in the door. But now i want to pull it out and pull back. I knew what i wanted before but i didn't listen to myself and what I knew i wanted. But now that im here...how do i reverse what's happened? Im happy...but not really. I like the situation...but i don't. I had a hand in the door way to catch it from closing but now im thinking about letting it close. And letting the next one open.
I have one foot in the door. What happens now?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I get it.

I understand you 3. I've honestly been feeling the same way. And my indecisiveness should be evidence enough. Elaboration isn't necassary but...i get it.

Love you all dearly.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Band kidd for a day...

So band kidds i love em...i spent the day as one and with them and i've decided that i love them dearly. When i say i spent the whole day with them i mean from 6:30 in the morning to 12:00 this moring my day was literally spent with the bks. I got hazed on the 3rd bus and now im an ace/taildog. CHEA. But im not sure what line im on...bus phi bus? Ha maybe. I saw some freshmen whisper this dick into an upperclassmens ear, a gubby CUB fight after ryans, i laughed my ass off on the 2nd bus because of the continuouse checkin that was going on. And even though i'm still confused about the day, i didn't really get to kick it with best friend, i slick have frostbite on my toes, and i missed my loves, i would def be a band aid again. Just beacuase when recapped my wholeday to Maya a few minutes ago i realized how much fun i really had. Hell yea.

PS
Im getting a T shirt made.

Band Aid on the back
number 1
Roxx on the front somewhere.


PSS.
We need to get those FUFGOSA Spring 08 on deck.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Frankster


I love frankie

"Did it burst in your mouth?"
"It always bursts in my mouth."
"You must not be drinking it right."
"Drink!"
"Imma find you some salty chips!"
"Idk the flavor is continuing to burst...every time i drink."

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Unfulfilled

I'm starting to feel unfulfilled. Not unfulfilled...like I'm not sure where my life is going. I'm thinking photography will make my life happy for the time being but what am i really gonna do with it in the long run?? I mean i could take pictures for weddings yeah....but i want to play for them too...idk I'll figure that out later. As of right now my goal is to be effin famous but i feel like I'm NOT doing what i need to be doing...and its not even that i want to be effin famous but i want to leave my mark..yes my MARK. And by doing this, Nashville, or even just TSU (but we're aiming big here so we can starting with TSU) will know that violin/photographer/rock star/humanitarian/what ever else i can be, because i Leandria Lott-Roxx will be on my shit. But this downward spiral is overcoming me and it started on...you guesed! The Sunday before school started. Who would have known that one stupid August Sunday would be the inevitable down fall of what i wanted to accomplish...

I've gone over this day soooo many times in my head...and just wondering what could have gone differently and what went wrong. And in real life i didn't say or do anything that i wouldn't have done otherwise. So I couldn't have been the problem...but what ever. Dwelling on that event isn't gonna erase it from that past. So lets move forward in time to last weekend...for some reasons i feel obligated to do things for him and help him..but indirectly...like taking pictures...even though i thoroughly enjoyed being Picturewoman..i felt like i was doing it more for him then my twin or my lloydy. Even though that's the excuse i kept saying to myself that its for Maya..and its for Lloydy but alot of it was for him too. And i hate that i still have to write these blogs so that the chipped and cracked parts of my heart can be glued back together for the time being. Because Leandria Tia Lott is not a happy person. Coach Roxx is an alter ego that lies dormant until somebody remembers that she's there. Honestly i would happily give my title away if i could be happy with what i have. And its not that i have low self esteem at all. I love who i am and what i stand for its just the time i wish i could get back or somehow move that time frame into the present time so i can be happy how i was this summer. Idk.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

idk

This week has been....stressful. I haven't had a good sleep in awhile..i haven't noticed him in awhile...well i have but its just i might be getting numb to the feelings i have/had for him...so no more blogs about my ex male companion? Maybe not...I'm thinking that one day I'll be able move on, really move on..and be sincerely happy with who i am and what I'm doing with my life...because in real life, LIFE the person is idk..I'm starting not to care..

Moving on.

I'm getting tired of certain people in my life and they're gotdamn attitudes. I think you might've been exed sir.

This that and the other...

This weekend was cool. The party was nice. The turn out could have been better. I might change my major to photography...ha..
Ha no i might...
I'm pretty sure i don't like pool..i like you but I'm starting to change my mind..
I heart my friends...

Quotes
"Frankie's dancing heals the world!"
"I wonder if i can febreeze my hair."
"Don't back space my shit ho!"
I'm might just start a new segment called Quotes...ha but not today.
Best friend makes me sad..i wish this would stop.

I've had this blogg open for a long time and i wanna say something but its not coming out. I like how when I'm thinking about a certain person now a days the other pops up, i just want to honestly not have anymore sad blogs anymore..i would love to be happy and not have this nigga randomly show up in a corner of my mind because in real life I'm so ready for that part of my life to be behind...ha maybe tomorrow

I WANT MY GOTDAMN G1!!!

I'm running out of things to say.
And i don't feel resolved...I'll be back.

Pause gospel explosion first act no bueno. Think of dog whistles with different pitches sounding at the same time then picture a mans voice singing in a different key. A slaw drum player, a slick slaw keyboard player, and NO bass player. Couldn't say in there...

Okay I'm done for now...

Friday, October 24, 2008

Ohh best friend.

So swagger is apparently the word of the week...or month whatever.

But best friend decided to make up his own words to substitute.
Saucy...this is all swagged out.
Texas Pete...like the hott sauce..get it?? haha
Remember this there's a test later.

I heart him..ha


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Swagg??

Ha okay so I'm back. This swagg thing. I mean i have swagg. Not to be cocky or conceited I'm far from that. But I'm an attractive, talented, and intelligent young women who has alot going for her. And some people can't see that. Maybe its not my swagg that I'm missing then. Maybe I'm just missing that person and I'm thinking that they had something to do with my swagg. Now true enough they were apart of my life for a good little minute almost a year and that's time and effort that i Leandria Roxx invested. Its just like me taking time out of my life to write this blogg with this person in mind for me to read it at the max 4 times and then slick forget about it...pointless right? I've said before that i was done, dwelling on what could have been. But i don't think its that simple for me to just let go of something that i feel/felt really passionately about. And since I'm still slick attached to this kidd in someways thoughts of him creep up on me in every direction. I mean honestly...what did i REALLY do? I'm effin amazing..I'm effin supportive, and i put up with an effin lot. My daddy told me that i was to good..but that's just what daddy's are supposed to say. And in real life i don't believe I'm to good for him. We're just in different places...in different mind sets.. And clearly in...well what ever it was we shared..being on one accord with each is required. That was my mistake, your blunder. Overlooking an important factor in the balance of life. Yours and mine. And the really sad part about this is I'm the ONLY one that cares. Cares enough to write these countless bloggs about you. And what could have been. I've never been the type to linger on a fallin male companion unless i was in love. And it wasn't there. It was more of a deep understanding of who he was and caring for him in that way. And I mean who doesn't want a good ass friend who doesn't judge and who you can talk to about any and everything and nuthin at the same time. And once again the sad thing is I'm the ONLY one that cares...writing pointless bloggs about people that don't care about the last year...*sigh* i digress...and I'm rambling...i feel kind of resolve if not for the situation...just for the night..

Some stuff.

Soo. I guess its time to write another blog.
This that and the other maybe?
And go....

I'm not feeling like myself for some reason....its like i do things and i look back...PAUSE Reggie is a damnit...and so is his laugh. and the grunt..lol okay..but i look back on past events and i can't remember what i was doing before i did those things..i honestly all this talk of swagg is making me question if i found mine..maybe it wasn't in your shoe box XOXO. Maybe it'll be at the party.

I effin went to Knockout Wings...and i saw the boy with 12 names...we had a date for this weekend but he's going out of town...an apology was given and a promise for a kick it session was made. I'm kinda concerned..withdrawal babes? I slick feel like that to. BUT VENOM!!! Ha idk if I'm really that concerned.

I'm about to turn into and Orchestra kidd....
i had orchestra tonight and it was effin great. I missed it.
And the music was amazing. Mozart is amazing..

Reggie can spell MISSISSIPPI!

SAI bake sale!!! Ha dori was held hostage by some Roses. Lmao..i hearts you Dori..

This party business is grimmey (grimmie?) n-words throwing flyer's in the dirt and taking minutes of they're already insignificant lives to take our flyer's and pile them in an elevator..i mean...is ya scared?

I miss frankie.....the crayonz haven't made a single in a long time...*sad face*

Im gonna be famous..

I think im done...but i'll be back.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

And it feels like...

Sooo yeah...I'm tired. You smiled at me today and reminded me of all the things that you used to do to make me smile....and i used to do to make you smile...and honestly i felt helpless..and empty. Or something i can't really explain it. But i thought of an analogy today...Think of a cake.. now not just any cake but a gorgeous cake...birthday cake if you want. And its so pretty but somebody just came and cut the cake and took the prettiest part and it and now there's a BIG whole in it...if you made sense of that analogy that's how i feel..and its so frustrating that a look from your direction will bring back every emotion i thought i had thrown away....I'm so tired. And i wanna be done...but I've come to the conclusion that i can't stand being your friend..and i can't stand not being that either..it hurts either way..Me and my friend had a conversation today about the Pursuit of happiness and every little wish is for happiness but honestly how can anybody be happy in real life with a piece of cake missing!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Simple loves

"Its the simple things in life you treasure.."

Okay guys..this quote is def cliche` but relevant at this point in my life. My friends call me simple. Its because i am it doesn't take that much to please me. But as i was skimming through the Crayonz blog Gent was gun excited about a trip to Wal-mart, bed bath and beyond and idk target probably...if you don't know us you would wonder why. We could be kickin it in 608 or room B, chillin in the drunken hours of the night, and some of us waking up to the hang overs in the morning...but you can bet there's some kind of profound conversation going on or a new record being produced. (vibrate on that ho zzzz zzz zzzzzz)

You can judge us if you want to.....but we're still gonna be excited to go to Wal-mart.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Okay folks...

So i got tired of the other layout...it made my eyes hurt..
This one matches my picture.
And I'm still a rock star!!

Maintenance*

Hey...

New layout!!!
Its music note scribbles!!

Cuz im a rock star...

Soo im in love...

with my friends! No homo. But i love them ho's! I thought this summer was tough without my line sisters but then another ball of sunshine walked into my life bright as hell and 7 foot tall!Ha okay she's not that damn tall but i miss her and my two short ho's too!! And the sad part is...we've only be separated for all of 2 or 3 days! Lets get it together folks. We need to be able to cope for winter break. Or you could all just live with me!...(no down with Huntsville)

Okay maybe this will turn into a this that and the other....
Recent studies have shown that I Leandria Roxx is not a very affectionate person..
For instance I'll hold your hand I'll give you a hug we can even cuddle for a bit BUT don't get used to it. It gets boring after a while and i wanna see new tricks..no pun people.

Ha Dori!! Are you a fan of Madagascar? Because the Madagascar 2 comes out November 7!!

I'm getting a new phone!!..once again m shad0w has failed me....and i have to get all my numbers again.

I love my best friend!! He told me howdy today..so he's my best friend the cow boy..no one else has one of those!!

I hate it when ex's text me just to let me know that i played them..there's probably a reason why i played you either you tried me. or you did something to annoy me. And i probably don't care about your feelings anyway. And people lets get this straight i might me cute and friendly but if you try me I'm gonna be neither to you. You'll be exed and thinking about what couldn't have been because I'm not that type.

Hey! i digg consistency and just so NO ONE is confused on the definition of the word consistency here's the definition with an example (well look at God!)

steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.: There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.
Makes a lot of sense huh?
BUT WAIT! The reason why i love Maya's best friend is because of his honesty/real-assness.
He said "Leandria you can't be the Coach and needy too."
I mean damn I've never been called needy so I've decided to be neither. I'm tired of casually dating because its not getting me any where. I mean i slick don't trust venom even if he's a walking damnit. Vandy is cute but there's no major connection and the guy with 20 names well he's got a couple of gold stars under his belt but its one of those stagnant romances..if you wanna call it that. Ha i see its time to play things by ear again.
I'm at home!!
I miss my twin!!
Front where are you??
Homework is calling my name..but its pronouncing it wrong...who is Leonadria??
♥ Ex Coach

Thinking back...

I know its been for ever since I've blogged. But I'm the type that blogs when something happens to me. And don't get me wrong things have happened i just haven't been able to put these events into words. But here goes.

So recently i lost my really good friend. But it seems to have been an inevitable loss. And sadly this friend and i have pointless conversations that feel one sided. Being the only one that cares is no bueno. And as i sit and think about the last conversation we had I'm reminded of the times we shared before then. i laugh to myself and sigh WTF I'm over this bull shit. This continual battle that goes on in my head. A friend once said.The brain and the heart are funny organs..always connected but forever at battle. Convincing your self of one thing but FEELING another. Damn...damn is right. Because its seems to be the only word that completely and not at all describe how you feel. Feeling like this makes you want to give up but then there's still that part of you that's still hopeful. HOPEFUL.. a funny word because in real life, it describes somethings that we wish for. And it just leaves you with thoughts of false hope and broken promises. And disappointments...summers full of conversation, long nights, passion, obvious sincerity, and then "reality sets" in and the magic of summer drifts away slowly into the stagnant fall. Im done..and i mean it this time.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Statuses

I have a new segment people!
I often speak in facebook status form.
Example "Leandria is writing a blog."
So i've decided that every now and then i will type a blog in status form.
And there you go.

Leandria is wishing she knew how to talk to you.
Leandria is wondering if this is at all important to you.
Leandria is trying to figure out why this means something to me.
Leandria is in Dorian's apartment eating noodles.
Leandria is interested in someone else but doesn't want to be.
Leandria thinks your a damnit adorable.
Leandria wants to kiss you..but don't tell anybody.
Leandria just digressed.
Leandria is wondering why its so hard to talk to you when it used to be so easy..
Leandria is might be out of questions till later..
Wait.
Leandria is wondering why you have to look for "her".
Leandria is wondering why that was in your status.
Leandria is wondering if she was on her shit....
Leandria is also wondering if all this ish was bull because in real life LIFE the person means something to me. But this ish that's been pulled in real life isn't what i had in mind.
Okay..now im done...

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Idk..

YOOOOOO!!!!!
I think im happy.
My emotions are broken.
Maya doesn't know where yonder is.
But we've explained it to her.
*sigh* im wondering why im 19 and i feel way older then some people in they're 20's!
That are seniors in college.
Do me a favor and if you have a problem with me be 21 about yours and come to me.
BUT WAIT when i come to YOU tryna resolve shit try not run off at the mouth to my friends.
Sooo when its over its over!!
Is you straight bruh!!??
I should be practicing...
But im making money!!
I miss speaking in an English accent with Frankie...
Come home!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Ass 1, Ass 2, Ass 3

I love my friends.
You can't replace mine.
Sometimes they go away to Atlanta with their male companions who calls each one of her friends when she doesn't answer the phone.
And other times they go to class...and it makes me sad.
But then we have late nights and early mornings.
Almost getting caught on the wrong floor and forming bands.
Praising God and eating noodles.
Cracker Mush and sleeping upside down.
Making up songs that don't have a particular beat, key or theme but always end in laughter
Taking 30 pictures to get only 1 that has all of us in them..
Boot leg face?
Yeah we have 3 singles.
Separately we're amazing.
But together...maan we're effin amazing.
Don't judge us cuz we might hurt your feelings with our awesomeness.
Is you straight bro?
Hell yeah I'm straight.

Toe puppets?
No really its new.
Dori has a temper every now and then.
Maya cries when pillows fall on the floor.
And Frankie hasn't been doing anything productive for about an hour.

"I can't even fit so that means you guys don't love me."
"Im gonna give myself another concussion!"
"Lets play peek a boo with Marvin"
17 magazines is only annoying when Maya reads it aloud.
Its too hot for this shit. But Frankie is finally on the bed..wait she's having trouble..
Okay now she's...wait...okay its not working...WAIT SHE GOT IT!!!
Zzzzzz I'm bout to vibrate on these ho's!
That single number 4 ho's
Picture my head...on wheels.
You raping my feet!!!
Ice box where my feet use to be!
Okay that's 5!!


Pause! i just looked to my right and Dorian's FOOT was in my face.
No bueno.

♥ Ladies!

Coach Roxx

PS she has Cankles!!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Frankstur!!

http://tnstateenglish.blogspot.com

The story is Alice Walker and the link for this story is the very 1st blog posted.

I heart you!!!!!!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I just realized!!


Today was a day. A loonnnggg day.

I realized sooo much about myself by talking to other people.

In a little over a day ive been to Chicago with 3 other people. (a violist, and 2 photographers/drivers/relationship counselors/cool asses)

Rehearsed for a wedding. Ate a free breakfast. Went to some RANDOM guys house to take a shower and nap. Taken a shower and had the shower curtain fall on my head..walk out in my towel thinking we were alone on the floor just to have to walk past a RANDOM ASS groomsmen (all bad folks). Got dressed. Headed to the church and waited on a wedding that was supposed to start at 4 but clearly started at like 5. Played my little part with Michelle (viola gurl) and clearly we free styled that junt.hahah but it doesn't matter because we got great feedback and another wedding to play. Waited around to take pictures with the new couple. Went to the wedding reception where i SWEAR everybody and they're sister had to give them a damn toast!! Which made our travel plans off schedule thus making us leave Chi at 9 and made us to get back at 4 30 am. And i got paid for this whole adventure..oh yeah oh yeah OOOH YEEEAAAHH!!!!


NOW I Leandria Roxx have def realized a little bit about myself on the trip.

1. i dislike car rides.

2. I slick might be a narcoleptic..idk i kept falling asleep everywhere randomly..

3. But now i can't sleep...and Maya's asleep!!


Okay no really in real life I've realized what's really important to me in a relationship. My homie was having some problems with her guy so the relationship counselorm who's also a pastor and a photographer extraordinaire, gave her advice most of the way back to Nashville. One thing that stuck with me in their conversation before i fell asleep was "Don't lower your standards. If you feel like your lowering yourself for your guy then he's gonna take advantage of that and the relationship won't work."

NOW to apply that to my life and past and current relationships.

If you read my past blogs you would notice some....hurt, for lack of a better word, between each letter of everyword. And yeah i might be slick dramatic and emotional but don't judge because i was hurt. I was cut deeply and i wasn't at all in love with this person. But the complete turn around from point A to point B all the back to point A again...had me in slick awe and shock. Then after all that shock and awe subsided it felt like i lost my really great friend.(remember that?) And just having that person be there one day and then KINDA be there the next day...well I'm not into change like that for real.

He used to use this term "broken emotions" and i used to think about this term to really understand what the hell it meant BUT THEN one 3 hour conversation explained it.

Cool cool i get it. (Kewl?)

So at this point at my life i can almost related to this term broken emotions. Currently i am entertaining this male. He's cool we've kicked it a couple of times but i can't feel for him at all and he's getting clingy...that shits annoying..and I'm not really into casual dating. I'm not really into relationships at the moment..huh.wow.. I JUST REALIZED THAT. But okay this kidd is cool and we slick have chemistry but i feel like I'm (this is where the counselors advice comes in guys!!) lowering my standards. Not just with him but with other males i choose to entertain. I'm thinking I'm just gonna focus on my career that's suddenly making progress. The counselors also said that before any relationship is right you gotta have YOURSELF together. Sooo okay I'm gonna get myself together. Committment?...maybe next year.


I def realized a lot of stuff as i was writing...
♥Lott

Friday, September 19, 2008

Its over bish!

Soooo lets recap guys!!
Yesterday was a efffin awesome day..no classes because of convocation.
It was long as hell (no pun) but it was better then going classes.
And Lloydy gave us a ride! Yeah he's my favorite.
KFC wasn't as effine awesome.
Me and Front clearly had some tension between each other soooo of course we were snapping on each other. BUT I must say that Frankfurt might just be the bigger person out of the two of us because i was about to say forget it...(i know bad..but don't judge) i heart that kidd just cuz she's my front...yayy!!
Ma-ma-ma-maya! Is dumb but she is def the best roommate ever... (ow ow) hahahahah
I'm pretty sure that i can rely on her for anything and everything and then some after that but i think only if i keep making her bed.
I'm pretty sure that this is gonna end up as This That and the Other sooo bare with me folks.
I'm looking for closure and i found some ha!
yeah lets call that closure.
I soooo excited about my career!
I def got a taste of it the other day. Studio recording is makes my heart happy.
And getting paid for it makes it glow.
AND travel to play weddings (like my daddy does) well that's effin amazing.
Yayyy I'm really excited if you didn't notice..
That little statement everything happens for a reason?
Yeah its true i woulda been HELLA distracted but now I'm all focused.
So thank you kidd. You might know whats best...you might not but thanks anyway.
ITS OVER BISH!!
Yeah i think it is..but I'm actually okay with it. Did i learn anything?????
Yeah i learned some stuff..can i apply it??? Yeah kidd.
I think my entertainment has a some potential..Coach is back.
And another thing...i heart you DORI T!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I understand...

I just wanna have my fun....
I understand....but
Im not good at fixing feelings right now...
Clearly...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!
I understand...

Friday, September 12, 2008

For you kidd!

This one goes out to Miss Maya Elizabeth Matthews!

She's the only person i knows that does everything she says she does.
For example. "I google everything!" And when she said that i was like yeah....me too.
But no nigga! She REALLY googles everything...IN REAL LIFE!! Got a question?
Or having a conversation in Spanish through text? She'll google it too.

I love the fact that she understands how much i rock!
And since i rock she rolls.
Im Mary Janes so of course she's Lois Lane!
I've had my share of good friends but this one is the best!
We both have go by that saying "Things happen for a reason."And clearly she's here in my life for a reason!

It seems like we got so cool in like 10 minutes. Everytime we would share a 100 message conversation we would get closer with every super hero reference.

And even now! When we're goin through some hard times with our male companions. She's ALWAYS been there to give me a shoulder to cry on.....and i've always been there to put make up on here shirt.
Sounds like a fair trade huh? haha...

Awww Waldo is dead...moment of silence...


In real life i don't have time to be laughing at you all day.
And everytime she says im taking new applications for friends i laugh..maybe because these random comments about new friends are popesterious. Because who else do you know can can rip an old school rap (with me as the hype man) and still have on some fresh as chucks or Supras?? Nobody nigga!! She's specaial

"Please submit all questions in writing!!"
"Interjection!!"
"Why they asses still dancing??"
"Im J-j-j-jealous!:
"I just want you to know that once you finish this blog our friend ship will be over"
"Im stuck...im stuck in my power cord!"
"Fake Bro"
"because of this FUCKERY our friendship is over!
"yeah i through your fuckery our the window."

That's my bestest!! And she excepts me for all my pointless interjecttions, my mindless rants about band kidds, and my aimless wandering through the music building.

Hearts too you kidd!

Hey there!!

This That and the Other.

I'm really mad that when the band isn't here all my music classes stop.
I mean why can't the PAC go on without the millions of band kidds wandering around aimlessly. I still wanna learn!!

Why is it that once again i have you on the brain. Geez!! Get out of my head!!

I'm seriously considering becoming a one women show.

I have a wedding in Chicago...bad thing is i don't know when we're leaving or what music I'm play.
Its this random song that the groom wrote. And its a beautiful song but i haven't heard the words!! So how the HELL am i supposed to ad lib on a song that i don't know where the words go!!!

I heart Maya and Frankie. Good friends are the ones that will make you eat even if you don't want to. "You gonna eat these nuggets ho!"
Love you guys.

I went off on a tangent the other day. Eff band kidds and i don't support the band kidds were some of the things that came out of my mouth..sorry band kidds! I still heart Lloydy and my sisters though...and pop ups..that irritates the hell out of me. It makes me feel like my presence comes second to them. But of course I've been coming in last lately anyway so why should i complain about 2nd.

Maya can't blow her nose...haha

And she has on red Chucks!!...effin awesome dude.

Dori T!!!!


♥Lott

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Let me introduce myself..


I'm thinking that every time i say that word its all bad..so when i said it today...all i could think to myself was "All bad bruh!!" I feel like at the end of the day I'm gonna have that mind set of being by myself. And its not always about companionship....but about knowing that some one understands you. And who doesn't want someone that will understand them and even if they don't they'll make the effort to understand. I mean a million guys could approach me and i don't know if i would give them my time just because of the work I'd have to put in it. I think having entertainment is the best word to call this. Today my friend said "I give up." At first i was like nah you can't do that! But when i thought about it and she explain how she was feeling it was slick like looking into a mirror. Have someone being able to manipulate how your day turns out just by a simple text or gesture that you remember that they have or some kind of significance in they're life. And when they don't acknowledge you..well its one of those feelings you can't honestly explain...only in tears or rage. When i tell you.."you know your important to me right" does that mean much at all? That in real life you would make me happy it could rain everyday and i would still smile because my mind set was shared with you. Haha...but i laugh at the thought of that now. My name is Leandria Tia Lott. There's no one else like me. Remember that kidd.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Another one of these...

This that and the other..

Im mad that the first thing that comes to mind when i write these is you..

Im not really mad im happy to think about you every now and then.

My room mate has this new obsession with my gutair tutor..lol

I miss frankie...

Choir upset me today.. Ms Poe really needs to understand that she is NOT Proff Mac.

I saw my favorite today!! Which slick made my day.

I have a new friend but I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep conversing with him.

I'm slick tired of being out of my element.

I need some SAI shirts..

Hott sex burnin candles!!!

I think that watching Pocahontas's while my germy roommate naps is what keeps me smiling.

My day was really good now that i look back on it. I looked cute Maya chose to wear the same color as me again(haha twin) i saw Lloydy twice!! And my favorite twice!! I think I'm easily pleased which makes me even happier...

I should be doing some research but I'm not..i have a meeting with my study group..

All bad...

I heart Maya and Front's blogs they made my life happy.

I want some SUSHI!!!!!!!!

♥Lott

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

This that and the Other...


Right now I'm feeling...idk. So many things are going on at once..and I've heard of this new method that i call This That and the Other. But has been called Ready Set Go. And Point Blank Period.

Its when i just go with random thoughts that pop into my head.
Soo here goes...

I like you way to much...its clouding my mind and i worry about what the future holds when i know shouldn't.

I had Sun Chips today and a roast beef sandwich but i don't like Roast beef.

Maya is talking to me and i heart her.

I hate how randomly you pop up in my head for no real reason..

I've had a couple of offers lately but i don't feel compelled to respond to them. Is that rude?

I get irritated when guys assume that me and them are talking when clearly i don't give them enough of my time for them to even consider such a thing.

Oooh baby i like it raw!!!

I miss my sister..

I made a new friend and he's a friend of my great friend and he's starting to grow on me.

Some random ass guy told me he wanted to give me the business yesterday..yuck.

I heart band kidds. ♥ and i heart calling the band kidds "band kidds" even if they don't like it.

I get slightly depressed when it rains and i tend to wear black.

I think that if i hadn't met Maya then my life wouldn't be complete!

And if i hadn't joined SAI my love, my life and the loves of my live wouldn't be like they are and WHO they are now.

Go Frank Frank that's my Frank Frank!

Okay sooo this is getting long....

But i think my point has been made..


Thanks Dori T. and Mizz Maya

♥Lott

Monday, September 8, 2008

Heartbeat


Okay sooo the other night i was over my good friends house. Yes...good friend. With my great friend Maya. And my good friend (who was dead tired so we're gonna excuse him) started singing along to a song on his play list...that song Need you bad by Jasmine Sullivan. But it was sooo lifeless! And yet this song has so much meaning and emotion..just listening to the way she sings the song..lets you know how bad she really needs him in her life! I mean think about it..how bad do we all really need a heart beat. And to compare that to how much you need someones love? Well then maybe she really does need it..how bad do we all need to breath?? In real life when need to breath a hell of a lot. But as i listened to Ms Sullivan rip on itunes i was listening to the contrast of my good friends lifeless and tired voice singing in a monotonous tone in the background...the contrast intrigued me to write this blog. It made me wonder if I'll ever need somebody as bad as a heartbeat or the air i breath...and if i do where will i find them or will they find me. Being the independent thinker and person i am...my answers is Heavens no. Who needs that stress of relying on somebody else for my heart to beat. But who knows what the future holds and what may fall in to my lap knocking of my feet and keeping me in the air just to float gently back in his arms. One of my sisters said the other day "The brain and the heart are funny organs." And in real life kidds that's true. Sooo good friend thanks for provoking my thoughts like you always, always do. Even when your dead tired and singing in a monotonous voice into your pillow.

Need you bad as the air i breath...♥
Lott Roxx

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Sealed with a kiss.

Sooo yeah the other day i was over my good friends house just kickin it! And we started messing with each other. You know what i mean like "are you ticklish".."no"..."yeah you are!" yeah you know what i mean. Its all very harmless. Of course it was we're just friends! Who has the intentions of anything happening with one of your friends?? Not me! But then the unexpected happened..well it was kinda expected and happily welcomed..but it was slick awkward. You see me and this friend have history and when i say history i mean HISTORY with a timeline and cycles goin all through it! So when i he said "Landria are you ticklish?" in reality he knows I'm not! (haha i def am. )But why not mess with me?..why wouldn't i mess with him back. All harmless fun really...and in real life i had gone over there with my new mind set of friendship burned into my brain....but when he kissed me my old mind set crept slowly back in the front of my vision. Blinding me to the point of which i saw nothing else. And me being the type to keep my emotions very obvious he might have known before i told him...or maybe before he even kissed me. So the word awkward and weird weren't far from either of our lips..after they left each others. And even though all i really wanted to do was kiss him again i knew that in real life..what ever happens happens..going with the flow is whats gonna make it work...and if not our relationship was sealed with that last kiss.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

That thing called love...


So today I've gotten offers of entertainment. Entertainment meaning males that i choose to entertain..who want to be there for me to be entertained. Enough for me to keep my chin up. But its never the right one. The one i would like to put time into..i find it worrisome to not be able to connect with some right off the bat. Because I'm the type that if we don't click in the beginning I'm not going to continue to waste my time..or yours. Cuz in real life time is all we have and we're running out of it with every breath we take. And in all honesty at this stage in my life investing time in someone...someone i don't already know..isn't worth my time at all. It seems like even if i was somewhat interested i get distracted. And the many times i have thought about my situation and my distractions..all the pondering goes back to, "Nah it doesn't feel right." And its always those feelings that will make a break a decision. Those gut feelings that determine the difference between the words i hate and i love because the real difference between those words for me aren't really that different. Because in a sense we all hate to love the ones we do for the fear of getting hurt and when that person does the unthinkable...well that word "hate" comes rearing its ugly head. But not because you hate them but because you love them to much to stop. And when i say love (my friend Maya always puts it this way). I don't mean being in love but when you genuinely care about another persons life. Yeah that kinda love. Because honestly i don't believe in that Disney Channel kinda love. That you'll find your prince and he'll whisk you away to a fairy tale castle with a happy ending. Unrealistic and i don't just say that because there cartoons. In real life its not like that. But i hate to understand what the meaning of love is and even though i haven't felt this feeling of real love. Of knowing a person for their flaws and loving them for it. But when it comes down to it if you don't know that person at the end of the day there's no real point in moving forward.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Who's gonna save your soul.

Who’s Gonna Save My Soul
Got some bad news this morning
Which en turn made my day
When this someone spoke I listened
All of a sudden has less and less to say
Oooo how could this be
All this time I’ve lived vicariously
Who’s gonna save my soul now
Who’s gonna save my soul now
How will my story ever be told now
How will my story be told now
Made me feel like somebody …huh
Like somebody else
Although he was imitated often
It felt like I was being myself
Is it a shame that someone else’s song
Was totally and completely depended on
Who’s gonna save my soul now
Who’s gonna save my soul now
I wonder if I’ll live grow old now
Getting high cause I feel so low down
And maybe it’s a little selfish
All I have is the memory
Yet I never stopped to wonder
Was it possible you hurtin’ worse than me
Still my hunger turns to greed
Cause what about what I need
And Ooooo
Who’s gonna save my soul now
Whooooo’s gon save my soul now
Oooo I know I’m out of control now hoohooo
Tired enough to lay my own soul down


I was recently introduced to this song. Its about a break up. Not just ANY break up. The break up that breaks the person being broken up with. Break ups like this...is like being cut in the chest with a butter knife, ripping it out with your OWN hands and serving it fresh on a plate (as depicted on the video). I personally know what this feels like. First loves and and first love break ups are always hard but this song and this video completely illustrated what i felt and what i still feel now. In real life...I was hurt. I still am. New relationships have risen and have not so much failed but come to a stand still. They haven't been able to grow and breath only because of my desire to be in a fresh relationship. A clean slate if you will. But do i count that as time wasted? Nah. Just time shared. And time i still plan on sharing. At the end of this video, after the heart grew a mouth and started singing it took a knife and stabbed itself. Again this feeling is all to familiar. Giving your heart to a person and being used for ulterior motives or trying to move on but that person draws you back in with something like a simple text. And while you know that you shouldn't go back, there's always that thought of that first love. That first time love. You know the kind that seems like it'll never end? But when it does its like that heart on a plate. Those words "Who's gonna save your soul?"...who's is gonna save mine? From being torn and tattered again. And who's gonna allow me to do the same for them. To treat them with the same respect and give them the same honesty i, myself have always want to be treated with. Who knows really....who's gonna save your soul....

Broken...





The unthinkable happened today! My life broke. From the neck. Yes from the neck..you see when i say my life i mean my violin. My violin is my life and this obsession goes hand and hand with music. My love. My love and my life have been temporarily separated. Cut down the middle like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And as i mourned the loss of my life little lights shown all around me. Tiny sparkles that hugged and comforted me, wiping my tears and singing silly songs to bring the sun back to my face. Telling me that what ever happened it would be okay. But the silent trickle of tears kept coming. UNTIL this bright ass light came with this bewildered look wondering...what's wrong...this look of real...idk the word but it was all in its eyes. Still sitting there staring into space feeling lighter from the sparkles that continuously glittered around me...but nothing quite did it..but this bright ass light edges its way next to me. The rest going off to the side making room. It gives me a hug, wipes my tears and tells a wack joke, knowing I would laugh..great job bright ass light. The sun is back again if not just for now its back. Making my hour...maybe two or three. But then it happened these two "fire crackers" the loves of my life who consequently make anything and everything feel better even the untimely divorce of my love and my life. Jokes of guitar hero and earsplitting laughter made my day. Thanks loves..♥

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Favorite



Today was it..i couldn't hold them in any longer! I've prayed about it but they came anyway. Seeing your face...set me off. I'm not fine with this. What does friendship really mean anyway? In the past 10 months that definition has been distorted drastically for me...as i sit here now and think about how much i want to be mad at you and about how much i don't wanna care. I keep coming back to the fact that i care about you to much and me being mad is only the frustration that's built up over time..yeah I'm upset but its not all because of something you did. I'm upset with myself for getting to attached, which i promised my self i wouldn't do. Your amazing in soooo many ways kidd. Its crazy because i can still see this even through the blinding frustration, that's telling me to hate you and forget about everything we've been through. You know me kidd! I'm a person that says how she feels but when your guy says "lets be friends" how do react? What should i have said that would have made the outcome different? I wanna make you happy but in doing so there are definite repercussions and i forget to remember my own feelings.. Not cool idk how you do it! But you not only embody the brain of an effin musical genius which is outrageous to me because you don't even know all your talents, but your hella genuine..again as i said before amazing. And i def don't use that word lightly. I mean what i say and i know that you do the same. Even though I'm hurt i can't help but see the method to your madness. Maybe i should have said something...but in any case your still my favorite kidd.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Gravity

Gravity is working against me


And gravity wants to bring me down


Oh I'll never know what makes this man


With all the love that his heart can stand


Dream of ways to throw it all away


Oh Gravity is working against me


And gravity wants to bring me down


Oh twice as much ain't twice as good


And can't sustain like a one half could


It's wanting more


That's gonna send me to my knees(repeat)


Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me


Oh gravity has taken better men than me how can they be?


Just keep me where the light is


Just keep me where the light is


Just keep me where the light is


Come on keep me where the light is


Come on keep me where the light is


Come on keep me where, keep me where the light is





So today didn't start of that great. I once again woke up thinking of my new mind set. The mind set that has set me back. "a downward elevator" And in many ways its seems like my thoughts were heavier. Bringing me down. It was gravity!! I was thinking to hard about the situation and was trying to control it. So i started praying! And the end of this song "Just keep me where the light is" means to me keep me where God is. As i prayed i felt better. I felt lighter. I confided in a friend that really knows me in and out and understood what i was going through. And it helped! My day ended on a better note and i can look back and smile.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Dean's list


I woke up this morning with a headache just thinking about the wasted time and disappointment..Starting over and realizing what starting over really means. All those days spent getting to know you and your habits. And understanding your cycles and your patterns..made me aware..so of course i saw this coming. But it doesn't mean i was okay with it. All my hard work is shot to nothing and you got me thinking of roller coasters again. Starting off hella slow...the couple of bumps that tease you into expecting more..The climax which makes you want more...and then the fast crash down..The ride is over...Yo! I hate roller coasters. And even though you say the ride might not be over. And we might end up together. I can't live off of maybe's and mights. Because all they end up being is should've been(s) and won't(s). I just realized that as you say your not ready to be in this with me you've shown me that I'm not ready either. To be rapped up in you like it was hinted you wanted me to be..in some ways i was def led on. And i question was it the distance. The age difference..maturity level. I know i can be childish but I'm hella mature...and understanding and patient which is basically a prerequisite for talking to you. Your figurative 'class' is so strenuous because there's so much homework and memory work. Which is cool because I'm a Dean's list kidd..but in real life I'm tired of all the work. Of waiting for results for test or getting points but...maybe being sold short...if i need help there's a couple of tutors standing by but there not 24 hour tutors are tuturs with some kind of flexible schedule and sometimes they're focused on another subject. And i know its work and sometimes i learn a lot in class but I'm starting over again. So either I've failed or you haven't done your job...And I'm a Dean's List kidd.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Mind Set

My mind is set.

There are so many possibilities

But so many things holding me back.

Your past, my past.

The difference between I like you and you suck.

My mind is set

That you’re in my present mind set.
You’re the one that makes me smile in the
Day time…

Afternoon time...

Night time…
But you make me frown too.

You sometimes infuriate me with your words.

They can hurt But I’m helpless to your words.
I know you mean what you say.

My mind stays set.

But a change in mind set?

That maybe you’re not ready.

Maybe I’m not either.

Surely we would know as long as its been.

Maybe my mind shouldn’t be set in such a way…

That all I can think about is you holding me.

Or the sounds of the piano as you stroke the keys.

Musically sounds are perfect.

Emotionally sounds are not.

But my mind is set…

But maybe my mind set

Isn’t the right mind set for you.
Isn’t the right mind set for me.

But what is?

Should my mind control my heart.

Should I listen to what it's saying?

The internal battle that’s driving me insane.

Give up!

It’s a slow process!

Have patience!

He’ll come around!

He might not!

Blah blah blah!

All i can think of is Kick Rocks!

But then again….My mind is set.It’s set on you.

♥Lott