Sunday, September 21, 2008

I just realized!!

Today was a day. A loonnnggg day.

I realized sooo much about myself by talking to other people.

In a little over a day ive been to Chicago with 3 other people. (a violist, and 2 photographers/drivers/relationship counselors/cool asses)

Rehearsed for a wedding. Ate a free breakfast. Went to some RANDOM guys house to take a shower and nap. Taken a shower and had the shower curtain fall on my head..walk out in my towel thinking we were alone on the floor just to have to walk past a RANDOM ASS groomsmen (all bad folks). Got dressed. Headed to the church and waited on a wedding that was supposed to start at 4 but clearly started at like 5. Played my little part with Michelle (viola gurl) and clearly we free styled that junt.hahah but it doesn't matter because we got great feedback and another wedding to play. Waited around to take pictures with the new couple. Went to the wedding reception where i SWEAR everybody and they're sister had to give them a damn toast!! Which made our travel plans off schedule thus making us leave Chi at 9 and made us to get back at 4 30 am. And i got paid for this whole adventure..oh yeah oh yeah OOOH YEEEAAAHH!!!!

NOW I Leandria Roxx have def realized a little bit about myself on the trip.

1. i dislike car rides.

2. I slick might be a narcoleptic..idk i kept falling asleep everywhere randomly..

3. But now i can't sleep...and Maya's asleep!!

Okay no really in real life I've realized what's really important to me in a relationship. My homie was having some problems with her guy so the relationship counselorm who's also a pastor and a photographer extraordinaire, gave her advice most of the way back to Nashville. One thing that stuck with me in their conversation before i fell asleep was "Don't lower your standards. If you feel like your lowering yourself for your guy then he's gonna take advantage of that and the relationship won't work."

NOW to apply that to my life and past and current relationships.

If you read my past blogs you would notice some....hurt, for lack of a better word, between each letter of everyword. And yeah i might be slick dramatic and emotional but don't judge because i was hurt. I was cut deeply and i wasn't at all in love with this person. But the complete turn around from point A to point B all the back to point A again...had me in slick awe and shock. Then after all that shock and awe subsided it felt like i lost my really great friend.(remember that?) And just having that person be there one day and then KINDA be there the next day...well I'm not into change like that for real.

He used to use this term "broken emotions" and i used to think about this term to really understand what the hell it meant BUT THEN one 3 hour conversation explained it.

Cool cool i get it. (Kewl?)

So at this point at my life i can almost related to this term broken emotions. Currently i am entertaining this male. He's cool we've kicked it a couple of times but i can't feel for him at all and he's getting clingy...that shits annoying..and I'm not really into casual dating. I'm not really into relationships at the I JUST REALIZED THAT. But okay this kidd is cool and we slick have chemistry but i feel like I'm (this is where the counselors advice comes in guys!!) lowering my standards. Not just with him but with other males i choose to entertain. I'm thinking I'm just gonna focus on my career that's suddenly making progress. The counselors also said that before any relationship is right you gotta have YOURSELF together. Sooo okay I'm gonna get myself together. Committment?...maybe next year.

I def realized a lot of stuff as i was writing...