Thursday, September 4, 2008

That thing called love...

So today I've gotten offers of entertainment. Entertainment meaning males that i choose to entertain..who want to be there for me to be entertained. Enough for me to keep my chin up. But its never the right one. The one i would like to put time into..i find it worrisome to not be able to connect with some right off the bat. Because I'm the type that if we don't click in the beginning I'm not going to continue to waste my time..or yours. Cuz in real life time is all we have and we're running out of it with every breath we take. And in all honesty at this stage in my life investing time in someone...someone i don't already know..isn't worth my time at all. It seems like even if i was somewhat interested i get distracted. And the many times i have thought about my situation and my distractions..all the pondering goes back to, "Nah it doesn't feel right." And its always those feelings that will make a break a decision. Those gut feelings that determine the difference between the words i hate and i love because the real difference between those words for me aren't really that different. Because in a sense we all hate to love the ones we do for the fear of getting hurt and when that person does the unthinkable...well that word "hate" comes rearing its ugly head. But not because you hate them but because you love them to much to stop. And when i say love (my friend Maya always puts it this way). I don't mean being in love but when you genuinely care about another persons life. Yeah that kinda love. Because honestly i don't believe in that Disney Channel kinda love. That you'll find your prince and he'll whisk you away to a fairy tale castle with a happy ending. Unrealistic and i don't just say that because there cartoons. In real life its not like that. But i hate to understand what the meaning of love is and even though i haven't felt this feeling of real love. Of knowing a person for their flaws and loving them for it. But when it comes down to it if you don't know that person at the end of the day there's no real point in moving forward.