Typical

As people we are surrounded by 'typical' men and women. Men that do what there expected to do. And women that follow suite in being the submissive creatures we were raised to me. This word has shaped the ideals of humanity. And depending on what culture you grew up in, it shows what kind of person you might just be.

Now don't get me wrong. Everyone is different and has different ways. But lady's how many men have you talked to that could've been kin to the previous just because of how they treated you and how they hurt you. After awhile all the heartache starts to run together.

Or what about that two faced friend that claim to be one way, but are just like everyone else. I mean honestly! how hard is it to keep it real folks? Its really easy to lie and talk about people behind their back. But it takes a real person to tell the truth when it counts. Let's not be typical.

Now let's take a break to define the word typical shall we? :Normal, average, stock, usual.

I am now experiencing someone who's different from the rest. And besides my sisters its a shock to have someone in my life that's genuinely different from anyone else. He's not typical.

*Roxx

Puddles and Rivers you say?

We all know i love water. I played in rain puddles as kidd and had cute little goulashes that matched my rain coat. BUT i was never for rivers. They're dirty and creatures live in them...and i know I'm taking the analogy out of context but the reality of all this is, is that I'm not ready, and in real life I'm afraid I'm gonna do the same thing he did to me, the things i said to you is slick verbatim what he said to justify the situation...and I'm not okay with that. Being frank that shit sucks and it hurts. And I'm afraid i jumped into a puddle that was a little to deep...that has the characteristics of a river but not quite...a stream maybe? Which ever body of water it may be, I'm starting to get caught up in the current, swept up into your arms and your smile. It could all be so simple like that one song but we all know its not. Our friendship was never really a friendship. There was always something else there. Something that kept us looking for each other after class, and texting during. Something that had me in your practice room during the day and you in my dorm room at night. Honestly the attraction is there it always was. And the promise of a relationship is there its very apparent. But the uncertainty is growing rapidly. I'm not sure, sadly, of what i want. The constant flow of fear....of getting my knees wet in the stream that's quickly turning into a river...and i don't want to drown...slick i don't want to kill anyone either. Maybe i should just get up and dry off while my head's still above water. And here's a thought..maybe i miss Coach Roxx..idk but in all this confusion of an analogy it still feels like somethings missing. Like this whole pursuit of happiness thing is going the opposite way it should be. That might be another blogg for another day...



♥LottRoxx

Swagg??

Ha okay so I'm back. This swagg thing. I mean i have swagg. Not to be cocky or conceited I'm far from that. But I'm an attractive, talented, and intelligent young women who has alot going for her. And some people can't see that. Maybe its not my swagg that I'm missing then. Maybe I'm just missing that person and I'm thinking that they had something to do with my swagg. Now true enough they were apart of my life for a good little minute almost a year and that's time and effort that i Leandria Roxx invested. Its just like me taking time out of my life to write this blogg with this person in mind for me to read it at the max 4 times and then slick forget about it...pointless right? I've said before that i was done, dwelling on what could have been. But i don't think its that simple for me to just let go of something that i feel/felt really passionately about. And since I'm still slick attached to this kidd in someways thoughts of him creep up on me in every direction. I mean honestly...what did i REALLY do? I'm effin amazing..I'm effin supportive, and i put up with an effin lot. My daddy told me that i was to good..but that's just what daddy's are supposed to say. And in real life i don't believe I'm to good for him. We're just in different places...in different mind sets.. And clearly in...well what ever it was we shared..being on one accord with each is required. That was my mistake, your blunder. Overlooking an important factor in the balance of life. Yours and mine. And the really sad part about this is I'm the ONLY one that cares. Cares enough to write these countless bloggs about you. And what could have been. I've never been the type to linger on a fallin male companion unless i was in love. And it wasn't there. It was more of a deep understanding of who he was and caring for him in that way. And I mean who doesn't want a good ass friend who doesn't judge and who you can talk to about any and everything and nuthin at the same time. And once again the sad thing is I'm the ONLY one that cares...writing pointless bloggs about people that don't care about the last year...*sigh* i digress...and I'm rambling...i feel kind of resolve if not for the situation...just for the night..

I just realized!!

Today was a day. A loonnnggg day.

I realized sooo much about myself by talking to other people.

In a little over a day ive been to Chicago with 3 other people. (a violist, and 2 photographers/drivers/relationship counselors/cool asses)

Rehearsed for a wedding. Ate a free breakfast. Went to some RANDOM guys house to take a shower and nap. Taken a shower and had the shower curtain fall on my head..walk out in my towel thinking we were alone on the floor just to have to walk past a RANDOM ASS groomsmen (all bad folks). Got dressed. Headed to the church and waited on a wedding that was supposed to start at 4 but clearly started at like 5. Played my little part with Michelle (viola gurl) and clearly we free styled that junt.hahah but it doesn't matter because we got great feedback and another wedding to play. Waited around to take pictures with the new couple. Went to the wedding reception where i SWEAR everybody and they're sister had to give them a damn toast!! Which made our travel plans off schedule thus making us leave Chi at 9 and made us to get back at 4 30 am. And i got paid for this whole adventure..oh yeah oh yeah OOOH YEEEAAAHH!!!!

NOW I Leandria Roxx have def realized a little bit about myself on the trip.

1. i dislike car rides.

2. I slick might be a narcoleptic..idk i kept falling asleep everywhere randomly..

3. But now i can't sleep...and Maya's asleep!!

Okay no really in real life I've realized what's really important to me in a relationship. My homie was having some problems with her guy so the relationship counselorm who's also a pastor and a photographer extraordinaire, gave her advice most of the way back to Nashville. One thing that stuck with me in their conversation before i fell asleep was "Don't lower your standards. If you feel like your lowering yourself for your guy then he's gonna take advantage of that and the relationship won't work."

NOW to apply that to my life and past and current relationships.

If you read my past blogs you would notice some....hurt, for lack of a better word, between each letter of everyword. And yeah i might be slick dramatic and emotional but don't judge because i was hurt. I was cut deeply and i wasn't at all in love with this person. But the complete turn around from point A to point B all the back to point A again...had me in slick awe and shock. Then after all that shock and awe subsided it felt like i lost my really great friend.(remember that?) And just having that person be there one day and then KINDA be there the next day...well I'm not into change like that for real.

He used to use this term "broken emotions" and i used to think about this term to really understand what the hell it meant BUT THEN one 3 hour conversation explained it.

Cool cool i get it. (Kewl?)

So at this point at my life i can almost related to this term broken emotions. Currently i am entertaining this male. He's cool we've kicked it a couple of times but i can't feel for him at all and he's getting clingy...that shits annoying..and I'm not really into casual dating. I'm not really into relationships at the moment..huh.wow.. I JUST REALIZED THAT. But okay this kidd is cool and we slick have chemistry but i feel like I'm (this is where the counselors advice comes in guys!!) lowering my standards. Not just with him but with other males i choose to entertain. I'm thinking I'm just gonna focus on my career that's suddenly making progress. The counselors also said that before any relationship is right you gotta have YOURSELF together. Sooo okay I'm gonna get myself together. Committment?...maybe next year.

I def realized a lot of stuff as i was writing...

♥Lott