Thinking back...

I know its been for ever since I've blogged. But I'm the type that blogs when something happens to me. And don't get me wrong things have happened i just haven't been able to put these events into words. But here goes.

So recently i lost my really good friend. But it seems to have been an inevitable loss. And sadly this friend and i have pointless conversations that feel one sided. Being the only one that cares is no bueno. And as i sit and think about the last conversation we had I'm reminded of the times we shared before then. i laugh to myself and sigh WTF I'm over this bull shit. This continual battle that goes on in my head. A friend once said.The brain and the heart are funny organs..always connected but forever at battle. Convincing your self of one thing but FEELING another. Damn...damn is right. Because its seems to be the only word that completely and not at all describe how you feel. Feeling like this makes you want to give up but then there's still that part of you that's still hopeful. HOPEFUL.. a funny word because in real life, it describes somethings that we wish for. And it just leaves you with thoughts of false hope and broken promises. And disappointments...summers full of conversation, long nights, passion, obvious sincerity, and then "reality sets" in and the magic of summer drifts away slowly into the stagnant fall. Im done..and i mean it this time.