I can't breath. I would love to be able to do so though. It feels like to be a lot of pressure is on me to go a certain way. And I'm not sure if I'm going to be looked at differently if i make a certain decision.
We all know i love water. I played in rain puddles as kidd and had cute little goulashes that matched my rain coat. BUT i was never for rivers. They're dirty and creatures live in them...and i know I'm taking the analogy out of context but the reality of all this is, is that I'm not ready, and in real life I'm afraid I'm gonna do the same thing he did to me, the things i said to you is slick verbatim what he said to justify the situation...and I'm not okay with that. Being frank that shit sucks and it hurts. And I'm afraid i jumped into a puddle that was a little to deep...that has the characteristics of a river but not quite...a stream maybe? Which ever body of water it may be, I'm starting to get caught up in the current, swept up into your arms and your smile. It could all be so simple like that one song but we all know its not. Our friendship was never really a friendship. There was always something else there. Something that kept us looking for each other after class, and texting during. Something that had me in your practice room during the day and you in my dorm room at night. Honestly the attraction is there it always was. And the promise of a relationship is there its very apparent. But the uncertainty is growing rapidly. I'm not sure, sadly, of what i want. The constant flow of fear....of getting my knees wet in the stream that's quickly turning into a river...and i don't want to drown...slick i don't want to kill anyone either. Maybe i should just get up and dry off while my head's still above water. And here's a thought..maybe i miss Coach Roxx..idk but in all this confusion of an analogy it still feels like somethings missing. Like this whole pursuit of happiness thing is going the opposite way it should be. That might be another blogg for another day...
♥LottRoxx
Im once again a band aid. Im wondering how this trip will differ from the one last week.
Ooooh well im with you Dori lets stay warm tonight. Alcohol is the healthy thing to do. =)
I had one foot in the door. But now i want to pull it out and pull back. I knew what i wanted before but i didn't listen to myself and what I knew i wanted. But now that im here...how do i reverse what's happened? Im happy...but not really. I like the situation...but i don't. I had a hand in the door way to catch it from closing but now im thinking about letting it close. And letting the next one open.
I have one foot in the door. What happens now?
I understand you 3. I've honestly been feeling the same way. And my indecisiveness should be evidence enough. Elaboration isn't necassary but...i get it.
Love you all dearly.
♥
So band kidds i love em...i spent the day as one and with them and i've decided that i love them dearly. When i say i spent the whole day with them i mean from 6:30 in the morning to 12:00 this moring my day was literally spent with the bks. I got hazed on the 3rd bus and now im an ace/taildog. CHEA. But im not sure what line im on...bus phi bus? Ha maybe. I saw some freshmen whisper this dick into an upperclassmens ear, a gubby CUB fight after ryans, i laughed my ass off on the 2nd bus because of the continuouse checkin that was going on. And even though i'm still confused about the day, i didn't really get to kick it with best friend, i slick have frostbite on my toes, and i missed my loves, i would def be a band aid again. Just beacuase when recapped my wholeday to Maya a few minutes ago i realized how much fun i really had. Hell yea.
PS
Im getting a T shirt made.
Band Aid on the back
number 1
Roxx on the front somewhere.
PSS.
We need to get those FUFGOSA Spring 08 on deck.