Idk..

YOOOOOO!!!!!
I think im happy.
My emotions are broken.
Maya doesn't know where yonder is.
But we've explained it to her.
*sigh* im wondering why im 19 and i feel way older then some people in they're 20's!
That are seniors in college.
Do me a favor and if you have a problem with me be 21 about yours and come to me.
BUT WAIT when i come to YOU tryna resolve shit try not run off at the mouth to my friends.
Sooo when its over its over!!
Is you straight bruh!!??
I should be practicing...
But im making money!!
I miss speaking in an English accent with Frankie...
Come home!!

Ass 1, Ass 2, Ass 3

I love my friends.
You can't replace mine.
Sometimes they go away to Atlanta with their male companions who calls each one of her friends when she doesn't answer the phone.
And other times they go to class...and it makes me sad.
But then we have late nights and early mornings.
Almost getting caught on the wrong floor and forming bands.
Praising God and eating noodles.
Cracker Mush and sleeping upside down.
Making up songs that don't have a particular beat, key or theme but always end in laughter
Taking 30 pictures to get only 1 that has all of us in them..
Boot leg face?
Yeah we have 3 singles.
Separately we're amazing.
But together...maan we're effin amazing.
Don't judge us cuz we might hurt your feelings with our awesomeness.
Is you straight bro?
Hell yeah I'm straight.

Toe puppets?
No really its new.
Dori has a temper every now and then.
Maya cries when pillows fall on the floor.
And Frankie hasn't been doing anything productive for about an hour.

"I can't even fit so that means you guys don't love me."
"Im gonna give myself another concussion!"
"Lets play peek a boo with Marvin"
17 magazines is only annoying when Maya reads it aloud.
Its too hot for this shit. But Frankie is finally on the bed..wait she's having trouble..
Okay now she's...wait...okay its not working...WAIT SHE GOT IT!!!
Zzzzzz I'm bout to vibrate on these ho's!
That single number 4 ho's
Picture my head...on wheels.
You raping my feet!!!
Ice box where my feet use to be!
Okay that's 5!!


Pause! i just looked to my right and Dorian's FOOT was in my face.
No bueno.

♥ Ladies!

Coach Roxx

PS she has Cankles!!!!

Frankstur!!

http://tnstateenglish.blogspot.com

The story is Alice Walker and the link for this story is the very 1st blog posted.

I heart you!!!!!!

I just realized!!

Today was a day. A loonnnggg day.

I realized sooo much about myself by talking to other people.

In a little over a day ive been to Chicago with 3 other people. (a violist, and 2 photographers/drivers/relationship counselors/cool asses)

Rehearsed for a wedding. Ate a free breakfast. Went to some RANDOM guys house to take a shower and nap. Taken a shower and had the shower curtain fall on my head..walk out in my towel thinking we were alone on the floor just to have to walk past a RANDOM ASS groomsmen (all bad folks). Got dressed. Headed to the church and waited on a wedding that was supposed to start at 4 but clearly started at like 5. Played my little part with Michelle (viola gurl) and clearly we free styled that junt.hahah but it doesn't matter because we got great feedback and another wedding to play. Waited around to take pictures with the new couple. Went to the wedding reception where i SWEAR everybody and they're sister had to give them a damn toast!! Which made our travel plans off schedule thus making us leave Chi at 9 and made us to get back at 4 30 am. And i got paid for this whole adventure..oh yeah oh yeah OOOH YEEEAAAHH!!!!

NOW I Leandria Roxx have def realized a little bit about myself on the trip.

1. i dislike car rides.

2. I slick might be a narcoleptic..idk i kept falling asleep everywhere randomly..

3. But now i can't sleep...and Maya's asleep!!

Okay no really in real life I've realized what's really important to me in a relationship. My homie was having some problems with her guy so the relationship counselorm who's also a pastor and a photographer extraordinaire, gave her advice most of the way back to Nashville. One thing that stuck with me in their conversation before i fell asleep was "Don't lower your standards. If you feel like your lowering yourself for your guy then he's gonna take advantage of that and the relationship won't work."

NOW to apply that to my life and past and current relationships.

If you read my past blogs you would notice some....hurt, for lack of a better word, between each letter of everyword. And yeah i might be slick dramatic and emotional but don't judge because i was hurt. I was cut deeply and i wasn't at all in love with this person. But the complete turn around from point A to point B all the back to point A again...had me in slick awe and shock. Then after all that shock and awe subsided it felt like i lost my really great friend.(remember that?) And just having that person be there one day and then KINDA be there the next day...well I'm not into change like that for real.

He used to use this term "broken emotions" and i used to think about this term to really understand what the hell it meant BUT THEN one 3 hour conversation explained it.

Cool cool i get it. (Kewl?)

So at this point at my life i can almost related to this term broken emotions. Currently i am entertaining this male. He's cool we've kicked it a couple of times but i can't feel for him at all and he's getting clingy...that shits annoying..and I'm not really into casual dating. I'm not really into relationships at the moment..huh.wow.. I JUST REALIZED THAT. But okay this kidd is cool and we slick have chemistry but i feel like I'm (this is where the counselors advice comes in guys!!) lowering my standards. Not just with him but with other males i choose to entertain. I'm thinking I'm just gonna focus on my career that's suddenly making progress. The counselors also said that before any relationship is right you gotta have YOURSELF together. Sooo okay I'm gonna get myself together. Committment?...maybe next year.

I def realized a lot of stuff as i was writing...

♥Lott

Its over bish!

Soooo lets recap guys!!
Yesterday was a efffin awesome day..no classes because of convocation.
It was long as hell (no pun) but it was better then going classes.
And Lloydy gave us a ride! Yeah he's my favorite.
KFC wasn't as effine awesome.
Me and Front clearly had some tension between each other soooo of course we were snapping on each other. BUT I must say that Frankfurt might just be the bigger person out of the two of us because i was about to say forget it...(i know bad..but don't judge) i heart that kidd just cuz she's my front...yayy!!
Ma-ma-ma-maya! Is dumb but she is def the best roommate ever... (ow ow) hahahahah
I'm pretty sure that i can rely on her for anything and everything and then some after that but i think only if i keep making her bed.
I'm pretty sure that this is gonna end up as This That and the Other sooo bare with me folks.
I'm looking for closure and i found some ha!
yeah lets call that closure.
I soooo excited about my career!
I def got a taste of it the other day. Studio recording is makes my heart happy.
And getting paid for it makes it glow.
AND travel to play weddings (like my daddy does) well that's effin amazing.
Yayyy I'm really excited if you didn't notice..
That little statement everything happens for a reason?
Yeah its true i woulda been HELLA distracted but now I'm all focused.
So thank you kidd. You might know whats best...you might not but thanks anyway.
ITS OVER BISH!!
Yeah i think it is..but I'm actually okay with it. Did i learn anything?????
Yeah i learned some stuff..can i apply it??? Yeah kidd.
I think my entertainment has a some potential..Coach is back.
And another thing...i heart you DORI T!!!!!!!

I understand...

I just wanna have my fun....
I understand....but
Im not good at fixing feelings right now...
Clearly...
I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!
I understand...

For you kidd!

This one goes out to Miss Maya Elizabeth Matthews!

She's the only person i knows that does everything she says she does.
For example. "I google everything!" And when she said that i was like yeah....me too.
But no nigga! She REALLY googles everything...IN REAL LIFE!! Got a question?
Or having a conversation in Spanish through text? She'll google it too.

I love the fact that she understands how much i rock!
And since i rock she rolls.
Im Mary Janes so of course she's Lois Lane!
I've had my share of good friends but this one is the best!
We both have go by that saying "Things happen for a reason."And clearly she's here in my life for a reason!

It seems like we got so cool in like 10 minutes. Everytime we would share a 100 message conversation we would get closer with every super hero reference.

And even now! When we're goin through some hard times with our male companions. She's ALWAYS been there to give me a shoulder to cry on.....and i've always been there to put make up on here shirt.
Sounds like a fair trade huh? haha...

Awww Waldo is dead...moment of silence...


In real life i don't have time to be laughing at you all day.
And everytime she says im taking new applications for friends i laugh..maybe because these random comments about new friends are popesterious. Because who else do you know can can rip an old school rap (with me as the hype man) and still have on some fresh as chucks or Supras?? Nobody nigga!! She's specaial

"Please submit all questions in writing!!"
"Interjection!!"
"Why they asses still dancing??"
"Im J-j-j-jealous!:
"I just want you to know that once you finish this blog our friend ship will be over"
"Im stuck...im stuck in my power cord!"
"Fake Bro"
"because of this FUCKERY our friendship is over!
"yeah i through your fuckery our the window."

That's my bestest!! And she excepts me for all my pointless interjecttions, my mindless rants about band kidds, and my aimless wandering through the music building.

Hearts too you kidd!

Hey there!!

This That and the Other.

I'm really mad that when the band isn't here all my music classes stop.
I mean why can't the PAC go on without the millions of band kidds wandering around aimlessly. I still wanna learn!!

Why is it that once again i have you on the brain. Geez!! Get out of my head!!

I'm seriously considering becoming a one women show.

I have a wedding in Chicago...bad thing is i don't know when we're leaving or what music I'm play.
Its this random song that the groom wrote. And its a beautiful song but i haven't heard the words!! So how the HELL am i supposed to ad lib on a song that i don't know where the words go!!!

I heart Maya and Frankie. Good friends are the ones that will make you eat even if you don't want to. "You gonna eat these nuggets ho!"
Love you guys.

I went off on a tangent the other day. Eff band kidds and i don't support the band kidds were some of the things that came out of my mouth..sorry band kidds! I still heart Lloydy and my sisters though...and pop ups..that irritates the hell out of me. It makes me feel like my presence comes second to them. But of course I've been coming in last lately anyway so why should i complain about 2nd.

Maya can't blow her nose...haha

And she has on red Chucks!!...effin awesome dude.

Dori T!!!!


♥Lott

Let me introduce myself..

I'm thinking that every time i say that word its all bad..so when i said it today...all i could think to myself was "All bad bruh!!" I feel like at the end of the day I'm gonna have that mind set of being by myself. And its not always about companionship....but about knowing that some one understands you. And who doesn't want someone that will understand them and even if they don't they'll make the effort to understand. I mean a million guys could approach me and i don't know if i would give them my time just because of the work I'd have to put in it. I think having entertainment is the best word to call this. Today my friend said "I give up." At first i was like nah you can't do that! But when i thought about it and she explain how she was feeling it was slick like looking into a mirror. Have someone being able to manipulate how your day turns out just by a simple text or gesture that you remember that they have or some kind of significance in they're life. And when they don't acknowledge you..well its one of those feelings you can't honestly explain...only in tears or rage. When i tell you.."you know your important to me right" does that mean much at all? That in real life you would make me happy it could rain everyday and i would still smile because my mind set was shared with you. Haha...but i laugh at the thought of that now. My name is Leandria Tia Lott. There's no one else like me. Remember that kidd.

Another one of these...

This that and the other..

Im mad that the first thing that comes to mind when i write these is you..

Im not really mad im happy to think about you every now and then.

My room mate has this new obsession with my gutair tutor..lol

I miss frankie...

Choir upset me today.. Ms Poe really needs to understand that she is NOT Proff Mac.

I saw my favorite today!! Which slick made my day.

I have a new friend but I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep conversing with him.

I'm slick tired of being out of my element.

I need some SAI shirts..

Hott sex burnin candles!!!

I think that watching Pocahontas's while my germy roommate naps is what keeps me smiling.

My day was really good now that i look back on it. I looked cute Maya chose to wear the same color as me again(haha twin) i saw Lloydy twice!! And my favorite twice!! I think I'm easily pleased which makes me even happier...

I should be doing some research but I'm not..i have a meeting with my study group..

All bad...

I heart Maya and Front's blogs they made my life happy.

I want some SUSHI!!!!!!!!

♥Lott

This that and the Other...

Right now I'm feeling...idk. So many things are going on at once..and I've heard of this new method that i call This That and the Other. But has been called Ready Set Go. And Point Blank Period.

Its when i just go with random thoughts that pop into my head.
Soo here goes...

I like you way to much...its clouding my mind and i worry about what the future holds when i know shouldn't.

I had Sun Chips today and a roast beef sandwich but i don't like Roast beef.

Maya is talking to me and i heart her.

I hate how randomly you pop up in my head for no real reason..

I've had a couple of offers lately but i don't feel compelled to respond to them. Is that rude?

I get irritated when guys assume that me and them are talking when clearly i don't give them enough of my time for them to even consider such a thing.

Oooh baby i like it raw!!!

I miss my sister..

I made a new friend and he's a friend of my great friend and he's starting to grow on me.

Some random ass guy told me he wanted to give me the business yesterday..yuck.

I heart band kidds. ♥ and i heart calling the band kidds "band kidds" even if they don't like it.

I get slightly depressed when it rains and i tend to wear black.

I think that if i hadn't met Maya then my life wouldn't be complete!

And if i hadn't joined SAI my love, my life and the loves of my live wouldn't be like they are and WHO they are now.

Go Frank Frank that's my Frank Frank!

Okay sooo this is getting long....

But i think my point has been made..


Thanks Dori T. and Mizz Maya

♥Lott

Heartbeat

Okay sooo the other night i was over my good friends house. Yes...good friend. With my great friend Maya. And my good friend (who was dead tired so we're gonna excuse him) started singing along to a song on his play list...that song Need you bad by Jasmine Sullivan. But it was sooo lifeless! And yet this song has so much meaning and emotion..just listening to the way she sings the song..lets you know how bad she really needs him in her life! I mean think about it..how bad do we all really need a heart beat. And to compare that to how much you need someones love? Well then maybe she really does need it..how bad do we all need to breath?? In real life when need to breath a hell of a lot. But as i listened to Ms Sullivan rip on itunes i was listening to the contrast of my good friends lifeless and tired voice singing in a monotonous tone in the background...the contrast intrigued me to write this blog. It made me wonder if I'll ever need somebody as bad as a heartbeat or the air i breath...and if i do where will i find them or will they find me. Being the independent thinker and person i am...my answers is Heavens no. Who needs that stress of relying on somebody else for my heart to beat. But who knows what the future holds and what may fall in to my lap knocking of my feet and keeping me in the air just to float gently back in his arms. One of my sisters said the other day "The brain and the heart are funny organs." And in real life kidds that's true. Sooo good friend thanks for provoking my thoughts like you always, always do. Even when your dead tired and singing in a monotonous voice into your pillow.

Need you bad as the air i breath...♥
Lott Roxx♥

Sealed with a kiss.

Sooo yeah the other day i was over my good friends house just kickin it! And we started messing with each other. You know what i mean like "are you ticklish".."no"..."yeah you are!" yeah you know what i mean. Its all very harmless. Of course it was we're just friends! Who has the intentions of anything happening with one of your friends?? Not me! But then the unexpected happened..well it was kinda expected and happily welcomed..but it was slick awkward. You see me and this friend have history and when i say history i mean HISTORY with a timeline and cycles goin all through it! So when i he said "Landria are you ticklish?" in reality he knows I'm not! (haha i def am. )But why not mess with me?..why wouldn't i mess with him back. All harmless fun really...and in real life i had gone over there with my new mind set of friendship burned into my brain....but when he kissed me my old mind set crept slowly back in the front of my vision. Blinding me to the point of which i saw nothing else. And me being the type to keep my emotions very obvious he might have known before i told him...or maybe before he even kissed me. So the word awkward and weird weren't far from either of our lips..after they left each others. And even though all i really wanted to do was kiss him again i knew that in real life..what ever happens happens..going with the flow is whats gonna make it work...and if not our relationship was sealed with that last kiss.

That thing called love...

So today I've gotten offers of entertainment. Entertainment meaning males that i choose to entertain..who want to be there for me to be entertained. Enough for me to keep my chin up. But its never the right one. The one i would like to put time into..i find it worrisome to not be able to connect with some right off the bat. Because I'm the type that if we don't click in the beginning I'm not going to continue to waste my time..or yours. Cuz in real life time is all we have and we're running out of it with every breath we take. And in all honesty at this stage in my life investing time in someone...someone i don't already know..isn't worth my time at all. It seems like even if i was somewhat interested i get distracted. And the many times i have thought about my situation and my distractions..all the pondering goes back to, "Nah it doesn't feel right." And its always those feelings that will make a break a decision. Those gut feelings that determine the difference between the words i hate and i love because the real difference between those words for me aren't really that different. Because in a sense we all hate to love the ones we do for the fear of getting hurt and when that person does the unthinkable...well that word "hate" comes rearing its ugly head. But not because you hate them but because you love them to much to stop. And when i say love (my friend Maya always puts it this way). I don't mean being in love but when you genuinely care about another persons life. Yeah that kinda love. Because honestly i don't believe in that Disney Channel kinda love. That you'll find your prince and he'll whisk you away to a fairy tale castle with a happy ending. Unrealistic and i don't just say that because there cartoons. In real life its not like that. But i hate to understand what the meaning of love is and even though i haven't felt this feeling of real love. Of knowing a person for their flaws and loving them for it. But when it comes down to it if you don't know that person at the end of the day there's no real point in moving forward.

Who's gonna save your soul.

Who’s Gonna Save My Soul
Got some bad news this morning
Which en turn made my day
When this someone spoke I listened
All of a sudden has less and less to say
Oooo how could this be
All this time I’ve lived vicariously
Who’s gonna save my soul now
Who’s gonna save my soul now
How will my story ever be told now
How will my story be told now
Made me feel like somebody …huh
Like somebody else
Although he was imitated often
It felt like I was being myself
Is it a shame that someone else’s song
Was totally and completely depended on
Who’s gonna save my soul now
Who’s gonna save my soul now
I wonder if I’ll live grow old now
Getting high cause I feel so low down
And maybe it’s a little selfish
All I have is the memory
Yet I never stopped to wonder
Was it possible you hurtin’ worse than me
Still my hunger turns to greed
Cause what about what I need
And Ooooo
Who’s gonna save my soul now
Whooooo’s gon save my soul now
Oooo I know I’m out of control now hoohooo
Tired enough to lay my own soul down


I was recently introduced to this song. Its about a break up. Not just ANY break up. The break up that breaks the person being broken up with. Break ups like this...is like being cut in the chest with a butter knife, ripping it out with your OWN hands and serving it fresh on a plate (as depicted on the video). I personally know what this feels like. First loves and and first love break ups are always hard but this song and this video completely illustrated what i felt and what i still feel now. In real life...I was hurt. I still am. New relationships have risen and have not so much failed but come to a stand still. They haven't been able to grow and breath only because of my desire to be in a fresh relationship. A clean slate if you will. But do i count that as time wasted? Nah. Just time shared. And time i still plan on sharing. At the end of this video, after the heart grew a mouth and started singing it took a knife and stabbed itself. Again this feeling is all to familiar. Giving your heart to a person and being used for ulterior motives or trying to move on but that person draws you back in with something like a simple text. And while you know that you shouldn't go back, there's always that thought of that first love. That first time love. You know the kind that seems like it'll never end? But when it does its like that heart on a plate. Those words "Who's gonna save your soul?"...who's is gonna save mine? From being torn and tattered again. And who's gonna allow me to do the same for them. To treat them with the same respect and give them the same honesty i, myself have always want to be treated with. Who knows really....who's gonna save your soul....

Broken...

The unthinkable happened today! My life broke. From the neck. Yes from the neck..you see when i say my life i mean my violin. My violin is my life and this obsession goes hand and hand with music. My love. My love and my life have been temporarily separated. Cut down the middle like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And as i mourned the loss of my life little lights shown all around me. Tiny sparkles that hugged and comforted me, wiping my tears and singing silly songs to bring the sun back to my face. Telling me that what ever happened it would be okay. But the silent trickle of tears kept coming. UNTIL this bright ass light came with this bewildered look wondering...what's wrong...this look of real...idk the word but it was all in its eyes. Still sitting there staring into space feeling lighter from the sparkles that continuously glittered around me...but nothing quite did it..but this bright ass light edges its way next to me. The rest going off to the side making room. It gives me a hug, wipes my tears and tells a wack joke, knowing I would laugh..great job bright ass light. The sun is back again if not just for now its back. Making my hour...maybe two or three. But then it happened these two "fire crackers" the loves of my life who consequently make anything and everything feel better even the untimely divorce of my love and my life. Jokes of guitar hero and earsplitting laughter made my day. Thanks loves..♥